Daniel Hutchinson From The Hutch

You can't catch Covid from a newspaper column, so I wasn't expecting to be immunised until July at the earliest, along with the rest of the herd.

It happened quite accidentally.

You see, Mrs Hutch works in an aged care facility so it's either a jab in the arm or you get the hairy eyebrow from the boss.

Being a good husband - and because it counts as a date - I accompanied her to the clinic on a sunny Saturday afternoon two weeks ago.

My role was simply to be more interesting than a 12-year-old copy of North & South during the 20 minutes of post jab boredom.

The waiting room resembled an AA meeting with chairs arranged in a loose semi-circle along two walls, facing a row of curtained booths. After their jab, those who can last 20 minutes without doing anything non-standard for a human are then set free. Exactly the same process as the seasonal flu vaccine.

RIGHT PLACE, RIGHT TIME

Mrs Hutch ducked into the cubicle while I gingerly picked up what remained of a pre-Covid copy of The Listener. To my surprise, the curtain opened again and I was beckoned over. 'Would you like one too, we've got some left over,” says the nurse.

It turns out this Pfizer vaccine is like a supermarket chicken - you have to use it pretty smartly after it comes out of the deep freeze or it's no good.

Clearly this is a waste-not-want-not moment so I say: ‘Yeah, nah, absolutely' and before you know it the whole Covid crisis is over and I feel like one of God's chosen ones.

The following morning I had a dull ache in the arm, a dry mouth and a mild headache - the latter two symptoms, on reflection, relating to a $7 bottle of Merlot.

BEWARE OF COVID ENVY

The only other side-effect I experienced was Covid Envy. This arises when someone with an underlying health condition finds out you got a vaccine before them.

There is no badge, wristband or stamp on the forehead to identify how special you are once you've had the jab, so I suggest keeping it under your hat if you win the Covid lottery.

Also, the jab doesn't immunise you against other things so you still have to be careful when crossing the road or picking a fight with a gang.

Nevertheless, I thoroughly recommend everyone seizes the opportunity when it arises because when you look at what's happening in other parts of the world, it's hard not to appreciate how incredibly lucky we are here on our little islands in the South Pacific.

MOOOVE WITH THE HERD

The key to the whole thing is that enough people get immunised for the population to achieve what's known as herd immunity.

This probably sounds like a weird term in other places but for a country with so many cows (we have a herd of six million) it's a very appropriate term. The best estimate for gaining herd immunity is that 60-70 per cent of the population needs to be immunised.

Clearly there is a bit of a mad scramble to get vaccinated at the moment and Covid Envy is real.

But this was the case too in the early stages of the vaccine roll out in the United States, which is a lot further on with their programme than we are with ours.

In the US, they have given at least the first dose of the vaccination to about 45 per cent of the population. Another 10 per cent of the population got their immunity the old fashioned way - by contracting the disease.

BEER AND SHOTS

But interest is beginning to wane so they have started pulling out all the stops with cash inducements and even beer bribes to pull the punters.

The State of New Jersey is marketing its vaccination to some groups as ‘A shot and a beer' with people eligible for a free beer from participating establishments if they get vaccinated.

It might be some time before they resort to those tactics in New Zealand but the slow starting immunisation programme is gathering momentum.

As of Wednesday this week 304,900 vaccines had been administered and the Ministry of Health is now providing a daily update.

The Bay of Plenty District Health Board is over achieving compared with most other areas, having given out 7894 shots by the end of last week - exceeding its target by 29 per cent.

So my parting message is ‘get your shot bro'.

daniel@thesun.co.nz