Daniel Hutchinson From The Hutch

There's been some strange happenings lately that point somewhat to the supernatural.

It's more than just a feeling, it's a series of events that just don't add up; the opposite of nature.

For example, the Government is handing out money to people.

We all know that governments are well versed at taking money but lately our one has been trying its hand at a kind of un-taxing, and this is where it has all got a bit spooky.

These ‘cost of living' payments are meant to soften the blow of inflation, which has been pretty rapid lately. So, those in power have decided to grab some money from somewhere and throw it in our direction.

The bean counting department has not exactly massaged this balm into our aching financial shoulders. It's used more of a shotgun approach – just fire in our general direction and hope the pellets spread out.

Success is measured in clouds of feathers. And those feathers have been flying from foreigners, ex-pats and even dead people, who have all received this payment. I don't begrudge this payment going to the latter because the cost of dying has also gone up. Of course, once you are in the final resting place, costs do go down quite considerably.

The problem with taking money off living people and then giving some back is that they start asking questions, like why did you take it in the first place?

There is already a system in place for adjusting taxes to account for inflation. It's called tax brackets. If you never adjusted those tax brackets, eventually everyone would be paying the top tax rate, which would defeat the purpose of a progressive tax system.

Our tax brackets have not been adjusted since 2010 so – just an idea – but now seems like a good time to adjust for inflation.

It's almost like those handling our taxes don't know the basics, or they are just testing to see how stupid humans really are. It's alien behaviour.

Just shadows

Also, where have the All Blacks gone? The Men in Black have simply disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Usually during times of political or financial turmoil, at least we can tune in to watch the ABs stomp all over some poor team and gain a vicarious victory for ourselves.

As far as I can tell, this is the main purpose of a national sporting team. If our best can beat their best, then we can all feel collectively proud of ourselves.

It doesn't matter that we sat on the couch eating potato chips and drinking beer while our athletes threw all their effort into a bloody battle. If they win, we are all superior physical beings.

But this losing business is a bit of an alien sensation. Suddenly our best is not good enough. Even the little green men from the Emerald Isles look like mountains.

There's no way this team could have changed so much in such a short time, so I've started analysing the footage, looking for clues.

I found nothing of interest in the actual contests, but I'm pretty sure I saw two sets of eyelids blinking on both the coach and the CEO when they were reaffirming their love for one another at a press conference.

Extensive probing

So, I thought I would check the footage of the Prime Minister to see if her eyelids were unusual in any way. But do you think I could find any footage lately?

Where's the PM gone – the smiling one who was full of kindness and decisive action? As I probed deeper and deeper into this disturbing mystery, I started to feel like I was being watched, studied.

I woke up late one morning feeling like I hadn't slept at all – sore throat, dry nostrils and aches and pains in all sorts of places.

Even now, weird things are happening. It's usually deathly quiet at 5am – the perfect conditions to ponder – but there's a bright light outside the window and strange shapes flitting around.

I turn the door handle and step outside …….

The End

Well, it's been a lot of fun writing this column for the last couple of years but, it's time to move on, so this is the final one from me, From the Hutch. Thanks for reading and lots of love.

daniel@thesun.co.nz

p2 fact:

In 1893, just over nine years after their first international match, the first official All Blacks jersey appeared – and it was indeed black. However, few people know the first jersey worn by a New Zealand national rugby team overseas was blue – and not just that, but a blue of various shades and hues. Source: https://www.experienceallblacks.com/insider-information/all-blacks-jersey/