Jim Bunny Rogers Rabbits www.sunlive.co.nz

'The rain descended, and the floods came...” according to the scriptures. But what the King James' version didn't tell us was the rain continued to ‘descend' – all winter, all spring and all summer and the long grass took off. Then people started banging on – longly, loudy and wearisomely – about grass.

'Tauranga's looking scruffy, and steadily getting worse,” grumped one Weekend Sun reader. 'We were one of the tidiest and best kept cities. But the grass verges, reserves and parks aren't mown often and when they are, the job isn't done well.”

Trouble is, we live in a city that has everything, and we tend to worry the small stuff. Like long grass.

'Take some pride Tauranga,” was the outrage out of Papamoa. 'Not only is the grass ready for haymaking but the weeds are out of control.”

And it all came to a long, straggly, unkempt, green head this week.

'You're the arrogant, ageist Jim Bunny aren't you?” said the Bethlehem matron. 'Why don't you put your uppity, smart-arsed attitude to good use and get the grass mowed. Shame those commissioners into doing something.”

But I don't do grass. I live in a townhouse; I do carpet and concrete, and controversial street name changes and ingrained racist attitudes. Stuff that grinds and grates.

But the matron, Mrs Cholmondeley-Smythe, was at her haughty worst. And there was nowhere to hide...except in the long grass, the great green plague which is upsetting the matron, her gentlefolk friends, and is slowly consuming this city.

'My dear Bunny, Alfred might steer his walking frame off the track into the long grass and never been seen again.” And, heaven forbid, he could get grass stains on the knees of his $240 twill chinos.

The other problem is Tauranga is blessed with greenspace – wherever we go berms, reserves, greenspaces are in our face. And if they're not mown, or roughly mown, they are a constant aesthetic irritation.

It's all about appearances and impressions. What will Ozzie cruiseline passengers think of Tauranga as they beat their way into town through the long grass? 'What's the John Dory mate? Your buffalo's over the top, don't yuh have weed whackers?” Read what's the story? The grass is long, don't you have line trimmers? And we don't need to give the uncultured convict stock another reason to take their Ozzie dollars over the hill to the mud pools.

Fearmongering I thought, until I measured the grass last month. Sixty centimetres, nearly two foot high on the usually well-managed, well-maintained greenspace on the waterfront.

Let's extrapolate. Google tells me – and Google never lies – that in these warm wet conditions, grass will grow perhaps 5cm a week.

And if there's normally a bed of 5cm to start with, that would leave added mowable growth of 55cm. So that's the best part of three months since that lawn, that green space was mowed. Three months – really?

The imagery appeals though – tall grasses dancing in the wind, delicately sprinkled with wildflower, just waiting to be turned into hay, into winter fodder.

I sensed something missing this summer. Paul Colvin reminded me.

'The fresh cut grass, that summer scent
That smell of summer, Heaven sent
I used to squeeze it in my fingers
Shreds of green, its smell still lingers.”

Then last Friday, as if to deliberately upset my narrative, God said unto the commissioners –'Go forth and mow!” I watched it. It was like the Destruction of Sennacherib – they came down Takitimu Drive ‘like a wolf on the fold, their cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold'.

But the Assyrians in this case were an army of trucks, tractors and boom mowers, a blaze of hi-vis orange and green, and line-trimmers cutting a swathe during a rare, sunny window of opportunity. The great mow was underway.

'The whirring blades just spinning round
'As bales of grass grew on the ground
'I'd scoop it up and throw it high
'Then take a dive and then just lie.”

But the long grass grumps still weren't silenced, because when long grass is mown, it still looks…well, still looks crap. The grumps pointed to the mounds of ugly, browned up, mown grass that looked like it needed tedding, raking and baling. The ‘paddocks' of Tauranga town. And the rain-sodden, grass-strewn roadsides looked and smelled like silage pits.

And Mrs C-S, who labelled me arrogant and ageist, reckons they should be mowed at least once a month… so the city looks mown, manicured and nice. 'Like it used to be.”

Then I'm reminded of a bloke called Simon from Christchurch, who mows his lawns three times a week to the precise length of 12mm. Before we harrumph and dismiss, this bloke has won New Zealand's Best Lawn competition.

His lawn is so good it has its own social media following.

By comparison, our greenspaces only attract a few snarky column inches in the local rag.

'…walking barefoot on cool soft grass is one of life's simple pleasures,” reminds Simon. A tad obsessive perhaps. But we do like manicured, we do like neat and tidy, and we do like simple Simon-style life pleasures here in old ‘Rangas'.

So let's start up the Briggs & Stratton a bit more often and tidy the berms and greenspaces before the snakes and the cane toads invade; and before Alfred is listed as missing.

Tracey Mcleod

Look no further than Tracey Mcleod for inspiration. She's Rotorua's one-woman volunteer mowing gang who's been barking on for months about that city's overgrown council land. No-one listened so she fired up her own mower and weed-eater and spent 13 hours over three days doing the council's work. Offer her a job TCC – she can teach us civic pride, to stop bitching and how to adopt a ‘can do, will do, get it mowed' attitude.

TCC fronts up to The Bunny

The Tauranga City Council has replied to The Bunny's grass-filled queries and admits to receiving a number of complaints regarding long grass across the city.

But it can't immediately tell The Weekend Sun exactly how many complaints. However, the council asks its ratepayers to be patient as it expects to get back on top of the mowing soon.

'The situation is purely due to continued spring flush growth and the extra load contractors need to achieve,” says Tauranga City Council manager of spaces and places operations, Warren Aitken.

'We've experienced the wettest winter, spring and summer on record. And with increased temperatures it has created unprecedented growth.”

Bad weather & ‘balling'

The bad weather also impacted the council's ability to mow reserves and green spaces.

'Contractors trying to mow wet and waterlogged areas run the risk of getting stuck or ripping up the reserve.”

Warren says the council is working with its contractors and hoping for a decent run of sunny days to get on top of the current backlog.

In response to criticism that reserves look 'shabby” even after mowing, the council says mowing long grass does leave ‘balling' and requires another mow two or three days later to tidy up.

This also contributes to delays in mowing other reserves. Moreover, berm maintenance can take longer when working around road improvement projects.

Duty of care

Warren says the council has a duty of care to contractors mowing areas next to roads to ensure safety. Managing traffic during mowing and minimising the impact on traffic, means this work is done less frequently.

The council has different height restrictions for mowing throughout the city. Under normal conditions, visits are carried out about every two or three weeks. However, during periods of high growth visits can be delayed significantly as each reserve requires more time to service.

In the meantime the council again appeals for patience from ratepayers.