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Roger Rabbits with Jim Bunny |
“Dominion Road” became a Kiwi anthem back in 1992. It claimed the 23rd best NZ song of all time, a ‘mainstay of NZ alternative rock.’
“He walked the city, And he found a place to live, In a halfway house, Halfway down Dominion Road.” sang The Mutton Birds, immortalising Auckland’s longest, busiest, straightest and most cosmopolitan street, the iconic seven-kilometer strip, crossing cultures and demographics, north to south.
“Dominion Road is bending, Under its own weight, Shining like a strip, Cut from a sheet metal plate, Because it’s just been raining.”
It’s said 50,000 people bus Dominion Road each week, more than who travel it by car. I bet Tauranga’s public transport planners would love to own that problem.
But now Tauranga has its own Dominion Road – our own special strip that deserves to be perpetuated in song. Three and a half kilometres of upgraded Cameron Road – $28,000 a metre for a total cost of around $97.5 million. Some picky person will surely tell me that doesn’t add up. Shall we just say squillions.
And step aside Mutton Birds because a new New Zealand rock classic starts right here. You just add your own lighting effects, groaning guitar breaks and tortured vocals. But in the end it will be therapy for any poor soul who’s crawled and cursed their way down Cameron Road in recent times.
So… “Cameron Road Blues” is born – with apologies to The Mutton Birds.
The City Commissioners drew lots of thunder,
And little wonder, when they admitted their blunder,
They could have done better, they said in a letter,
But they won’t lose sleep,
Cos they’ll be gone in a peep,
Come July,
They’ll be gone from Cameron Road,
Gone from Cameron Road.
(sing dum-de-da-de-dum)
A road in the midst of a construction spree,
Tested our patience and spread misery.
The delays and detours all made us frown,
While we navigated the chaos up and down,
Up and down Cameron Road.
A local businessman all fluster and mutter,
As he watched his life efforts,
Be washed down the gutter,
The flash new gutters,
Up and down Cameron Road.
Happy Christmas cried the road workers,
All bluster and thrall,
But alas, the customers had gone to the mall,
And a poor businessman had gone to the wall.
Up and down Cameron Road.
(mournful guitar break)
Fast, regular and no fuss,
It’s a treat to travel on a big empty bus.
Full of no-one going nowhere,
It’s a transport planner’s nightmare.
Climb aboard for a trip at a clip,
All the way up and down Cameron Road.
You know the rebuild didn’t come cheap,
$28,000 a metre, that’s pretty steep,
Enough to make a ratepayer weep.
Don’t drive in the bus lane,
Between seven and nine ,
Because Big Brother’s lurking, you’ll get a big fine.
$150 or thereabouts,
They’ll be robbing you blind.
A maze of roadworks, cones and strife,
Drivers run ragged,
Longing for the easier life,
They called it progress and promised better days.
In the meantime you are stuck,
In a traffic ballet.
What an exasperating mission,
Driving down their vision.
The one that inspired Cameron Road.
Bright green cycleways,
A sight to behold,
In the world of cars and buses,
They are considered solid gold.
But suddenly the engineer,
He delivers a belter,
As you ride your E-bike into a bus shelter.
Halfway down the cycle lane,
Halfway down Cameron Road.
One thing we learned is traffic lights are fecund,
They were breeding like rabbits, we were all stunned.
All along Cameron Road,
New traffic standards glowed,
Stop, start, stop start,
Motorists ready to explode.
With diggers and jack hammers and bulldozers, we’re done.
We all just crave a nice straight run.
We dreamt of the day when the work was complete,
And the city would dance to a happy new beat.
No more cones, no mores detours ,
But I can forebode ,
We’ll never stop moaning about damned Cameron Road.
(Dum-de-da-de-dum)
I am told anyone can write a song, but not everyone can write a memorable one, as I have just discovered. But least it got published. And how do you know you have written a good song? Apparently you just know, and you have stopped fiddling and worrying about how you could have made it better. All the royalties in your bank account is another sure indicator.
